absoultely lazy.

I'm almost done with my challenge. And I feel like when I am, my blog won't have much substance. Eh. There is A LOT I would love to say, but for the sake of keeping peace I won't... For the record, I had an entire vague paragraph typed up and I held the back space button until it was gone.
Anyway.... On with my days.

`Day 28 - A picture of something you’re afraid of.
I have two.
The first is a practical fear that I'm sure many women with children have. Failing at being a mother. I am terrified that one day I will look back and see mistake after mistake and seeing that I have failed my children. I'm trying my best to raise good mannered and kind hearted children. I'm just trying to raise good people.

Second. I'm sure it's a fear of ANY military wife. Actually, it scares me so much I'm almost too afraid to say something and I have a huge knot in my throat and my stomach is turning. You know, I'm so afraid that I might jinx our family or something. I know that sounds silly. But that's how afraid I am. That's how afraid I was when Codi was on deployment and I wouldn't hear from him for a few days. Those were the longest days.
Have you ever seen the move The Messenger? You know those guys who go to the front door wearing greens? I am beyond terrified of that. I don't want a folded a flag. I am beyond terrified of losing my husband to war and of having men I don't know knocking on my door and someone handing me and my children a folded flag. It's scary and it's sad. How could I go on without my other half? How could I raise my children alone?

That is my biggest fear for any military spouse or mother of a soldier.  My heart aches and my stomach turns for all of them who have had men wearing their greens knock at their door with horrible news- past, present, future.
I am thankful for their service.


Ek. I'm crying. So, now on for some smiles.
And I'm sorry if you are too.


`Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile.
This picture is the back ground on my cellphone. Emma is the best big sister. I hope she's half the big sister to Declan when they're growing up that Elisabeth was to me growing up. Emma gives me the best unsolicited moments to take pictures of. She's a lover. And she loves her brother. This picture makes me smile every time I see it. Which is a lot since I'm constantly on my phone.